My girlfriends hosted a tea party last Saturday. They know how much I adore tea. If I could, I'd have high tea every afternoon. As my sister Kaly puts it, "Like civilized people do."
I have the best girlfriends in the world. And the worst liar for a husband. As I've pointed out to him: "Even when I don't acknowledge it, that doesn't mean I don't know when you've lied -- or are lying -- to me." He's never successfully prevaricated to me in the seven years we've been together. He just doesn't understand that years ago, I catalogued his ticks and tells.
Last Thursday, he called me and said, "Oh John wanted me to ask you about a cake that you made for one of our dinner parties. He couldn't remember what was in it but he wanted to find out and find a recipe online to make it. Was it our wedding cake?" Our wedding cake was based on a family recipe and Alicia, our pastry goddess friend, made it for us based on my specifications from our family recipe. The recipe is also the basis of my annual Buche de Noel. "What was in our wedding cake?"
Me: "Genoise and Italian buttercream. Raspberry buttercream filling and coffee buttercream exterior, wrapped in white chocolate wrapping paper and covered with raspberries."
If you're going to lie about something, don't lie about food to your wife who knows what she's made for people to eat. In my head, I'm pretty familiar with all the different meals and desserts I've prepared for friends at our dinner parties over the years; and more so because I print up menu cards so I know what I served. And especially don't attempt to lie about desserts. In all the dinners John and his wife Christy have had at our house, I've never baked a cake. I've only made our wedding cake for 2 dinner parties: for Jenn and Joetta; and for our parents and Aunt Rose. And furthermore, if you're going to lie about someone wanting a recipe, don't pick the person who is least likely to cook or bake. And why on earth wouldn't you ask me for the recipe instead of having said person go search the internet? It's a family recipe. It doesn't exist on the internet except in other variations!
To compound matters, when you lie, make sure John and his wife don't come over to sit down next to your wife that same night at a work dinner party while you are getting drinks leaving your wife alone with them to ask John: "Oh, did you get what you needed for the recipe?"
John: "What recipe?"
Me: "The cake recipe?"
John: "What cake recipe?"
Me: "The cake recipe that Hubby said you wanted?"
Christy: "Uh, John doesn't cook."
And by the way, when you come back and attempt to co-opt John into agreeing with you, you should get someone who is much better at reading your blatant and bad signals: "Remember John? You asked about the recipe?"
John: "No."
When you start laughing uncontrollably because you are so busted, it does not add to your credibility.
But...as it turns out, Hubby's foray in mendacity was for a good reason. The girlfriends wanted to make a cake for me but didn't know what my favorite flavors are...so they asked Hubby to find out. Despite the fact that they chose the wrong envoy, they still managed to surprise and delight me with an unexpected and wonderful cake.
I love tea parties -- love them. And was so happy to have several of my favorite girls with whom to imbibe five different teas, sandwiches, scones with jams, quiches and other delectables. The best part? Time with the girls. We don't get to do this often...but it's so nice to chat over a tea service. And laugh at how badly our husbands lie.
photos courtesy of my sister Hani...
